What to do when you feel your relationship is not working

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“When giving up is not an option – read through this article and you will discover that there are little things that can make all the difference...”

What do you do when you feel your relationship is not working? Many people do come to that point when they want to throw in the towel in their family and personal relationships. This happens most times when they feel under-appreciated, less respected, under-valued by their friends or other family members, especially by their spouses/partners.

This feeling of being under-valued could hurt deeply, and can directly or indirectly affect the intimate relationship between partners. It can sometimes lead to a break-up or break-down of personal and family relationships or even divorce in marital relationships.

As relationships grow, a lot of factors such as economic, career, and/or simply unresponsiveness and other aspects can be trigger points to this sort of feeling. Family life and relationships are fun, but they sure have some challenging times too.

The question is: how can one face the issues that tend to pull families or spouses apart, thereby making their relationships hellish? 

1.    First, take a breath!

In the midst of the choking and hurting feelings, take a moment and breathe. And what do I mean by this? Just remind yourself who you are. Draw from your inner strength and continue to tell yourself that you are better than this and that things are going to get better. What this does is that it programs your mind to think of all the possible ways to get your relationship back to make it great again or even greater. With this mindset, you will function better and approach things differently.

Taking a breath can also mean switching off the negative voices that blow up these actions in your mind and focus on the positives. Think of how your partner or family members used to treat you before the current situation, and try to analyse what could have gone wrong or what went wrong along the line. With this assessment, you can think through how you both could bounce back, and this time, even better.

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    2.    Try out the little things

    The feeling of being under-appreciated, -respected, -valued and so on, can reduce couples to just housemates who can’t even stand each other sometimes. And when this lingers for so long, it can be detrimental to the health and well-being of the family at large and not just the relationship between you and your spouse.

    If you are no longer talking to each other, sometimes, greetings such as “hi”, “hello”, “good morning” can make a huge difference. Try as hard as you can to appreciate each other. Words like “well done”, “thank you”, “that was really great, I am grateful”, “you are doing well with … (fill in the gap of what the other person is doing well with or trying to do well)."

    Giving compliments is a useful tool that works really well. Little encouragements here and there can make a massive difference. Doing this with a sweet and calm voice tone, and most importantly, from your heart makes it more receptive to your partner and other family members or friends. It will surely connect to the heart of the other person as it is a ‘heart’ communication.

    "When you feel your relationship is not working, sit back and have a rethink of what you can do to get it working again."
    3.    Don’t stop wooing each other!

    This cannot be over-emphasized enough when it comes to marital relationships. The fact that you’re married does not mean you should reduce or stop wooing each other. Before you got married, you appreciated each other, and perhaps, had some memorable activities together.

    This is actually the time to step it up, especially with the kids around. Remember they are watching and learning life lessons from you, so please spice it up! Think of fun things you can do together.

    Wooing each other continuously intensifies the bond or connection between you two. It makes you look forward to being with each other, and as well, makes you miss each other when you’re apart.

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    4.    Do some activities together

    In light of fixing your relationships, you can think of what the other person likes and also fun activities you can do together. For some who enjoy reading and playing games, you could get a couple of books and games so that as you engage in them, you can enjoy each other’s company. Doing this will help to bring back the spark in your relationship. For those who enjoy going to the movies, you can arrange for that and spend some quality time together.

    "Taking a breath can also mean switching off the negative voices that blow up these actions in your mind and focus on the positives."
    5.    Have a renewed mindset

    Family is everything and thus should be highly valued! With this mindset, you will respect, encourage, compliment and simply appreciate each other. You can go a long way in keeping the fire burning by having a renewed mindset. You are now together, so enjoy every moment you have with the people that matters most – family!

    If you are juggling between work, kids and perhaps career, please endeavour to make out time for your family, especially your spouse. When your partner complains of a break down in a particular area of your relationship, be open and attentive to fix it in order to ensure the continuous flow of affection. Same applies to your other family members and friends.

    Your family should be your priority! It’s like a vehicle that needs lubrication to function optimally. Give your family what it needs to get back, and you will be glad you did. When you feel your relationship is not working, sit back and have a rethink of what you can do to get it working again. Don’t give up on your relationship until things change for good.

    Please let me know how you feel in the comment section below. If you have other suggestions on how to help families and relationships bounce back, feel free to also share those in the comment section. So, what are you waiting for? Get in here and let’s discuss and dazzle together... Remember, it’s about dazzling insights!

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