Relationship dilemma: what is more important in a partner?

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Romantic relationships are sweet. It feels good to have someone who loves you and adores you. However, this feeling of love and appreciation has to be mutual for the relationship to work. If it is one-sided, then it is no longer a relationship but perhaps, bondage.


In the quest to find a worthy partner, one has to define his or her preferences, choices and intentions. There are traits or attributes that can never be replaced, while some others can be improved upon or cut out entirely.


There are both major and minor qualities to look out for in a relationship. The classification of one’s preferences as either a major quality or a minor quality will depend on the individual’s needs and desires for a life partner.

We are humans and, as such, not perfect beings. So let us always have this at the back of our minds when crafting or nurturing our wishes in terms of qualities or traits we want to see in the person we intend to spend the rest of our lives with.

Below listed points are guides to help you focus on what matters in a relationship than beam your light on the minor traits.

#1.    Looks and physical appearance


Looks and physical appearance matter a lot in a relationship. You have to be attracted to the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. It is this person that you will be waking up to every day, so their appearance with and without makeovers is important. How is their look to you? Do you like what you see when the person steps out? Is he/she clean and neat?


Part of what will sustain the love and vibe in any relationship is “looks”, i.e., physical appearance, but one shouldn’t go beyond board to achieve a particular look. The look we are referring to here is the natural look. No enhancements as described here. Just be your normal, natural self but be neat.


Smell and look good, appear clean and maintain this lifestyle before and throughout your relationship. You don’t want to be dirty and expect someone to really appreciate you that way. No! Take good care of yourself first. With this neatness established, we move on to point two ­—character.

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    #2.    Character and charisma


    The saying that one’s looks, and in addition degrees, will get one into a room, but it is the character that will sustain one in that room, sums this point up. In life, not just relationship, one’s “character” determines the trajectory of one’s life.


    Is your partner in view a person of good character? Is their charisma charming enough to you? Character and charisma go hand-in-hand. Most often, one’s charisma indirectly reveals their character and mindset.


    Aim to date and partner with someone with a good character worthy of emulation. You don’t want setbacks and heartaches as a result of your partner’s unpleasant character.


    Do you get into a romantic relationship or marry someone due to their good character irrespective of their looks? Yes, this is a major trait for me. However, the bad character will cause more harm and damage to you and other people than the “looks” you didn’t quite like.

    #3.    Wealth and love

    Wealth and love can appear confusing to a lot of people, but they are two different things. Some people claim to love their partners, but all they really love and appreciate is the wealth and the comfort they enjoy.


    Love genuinely. Build your wealth together. If the wealth was present before the relationship and marriage, still genuinely love that person and make them understand that if the wealth should disappear, you will still be there for them.


    In a relationship, don’t seek wealth, seek that which cannot be bought with money. Don’t also get yourself yoked up with a joker for a partner. Instead, go for a proactive person with dreams and visions, and soon enough, you both will be where you want to be per time and season.


    Wealth is built and accumulated. Work together as a couple in love and build your wealth without secrecy between you. 


    Love is a strong force! Love your partner regardless, and work in synergy with him or her.

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    #4.    Passion and labour


    Passion is part of the driving force that propels one’s desire for the partner. When you see your partner, do you desire to be with the person? Do you have a strong urge to be intimate with him or her?


    Also, are you labouring or working hard enough to build a lasting relationship? Truth be told, the relationship is hard work. But this hard work is made easy due to the mutuality of the feelings and passion. 


    On the flip side, don’t work hard to be in a relationship and turn your partner into your burden bearer. Be independent. Be passionate about your life, goals, career, as well as your relationship. Partners that are over-demanding tend to kill the passion and love in their relationships. It’s not every time you both meet that you demand something. 

    "There are both major and minor qualities to look out for in a relationship. The classification of one’s preferences as either a major quality or a minor quality will depend on the individual’s needs and desires for a life partner."
    #5.    Reputation and discipline


    One’s reputation, whether good or bad, can make or mar one’s life and even relationships. What are you or your partner known for? How are you perceived in your absence? What testimonies do people have about you? 


    Don’t live to please people, neither should you focus on building a particular reputation for yourself rather, build your character. Let your sound character depict your reputation. You are known for what you exhibit and the aura you carry around you.


    Don’t think people don’t know you because they do. So, let sound character of integrity, discipline, honesty and trustworthiness be what people can testify about you. Reputation and discipline can link you to some great people.


    You will be amazed in your relationship that your reputation can even open some doors for you. Be disciplined and be a person of good character. Your reputation and that of your family matter. I have enjoyed help from people due to my reputation, my family’s reputation, and the reputation of some of my acquaintances.


    In conclusion, some men are not married because the women they love, who also have good character, lack the hourglass shape they desire. On the other hand, some women are still single because the men with good character that they love are not rich or don’t have the six packs they also desire. These are dicey situations that some people find themselves in. our advice is “priority”, period. Prioritise that which is greater (character) to that which is ephemeral (shape).


    Here’s my personal experience. When I met my partner (husband), he had all the five qualities I listed in my major traits but lacked some of the minor traits. I struggled to accept him because of those, even though I wanted him. The minor traits were things he didn’t have control over or could change, such as his skin colour, height or looks. 


    The struggle to accept my husband only lasted for a short while because a very good friend of mine called my attention to the fact that those were minor qualities and even went as far as using them to challenge or judge me. For example, for the skin colour, she said, how can one choose the skin colour they come in? And for the height, she turned it around and asked how tall I was to be judging another person based on that.


    I immediately realised my flawed judgement and unnecessary struggle and accepted my husband wholeheartedly. It’s been twelve years of bliss and marital fulfilment. I’m glad I didn’t miss my rare gem of a husband based on senseless sentiments.


    Surround yourself with good people with good hearts, and also great platforms like Dazzling Insights that can tell you the unadulterated truth any time, any day, especially with regards to relationships and marriage.


    Hold on to the real substance in people, especially an intending partner, than the trending traits that fizzle away with time.


    It’s up to you to decide your major and minor character attributes and cut out the ones that are unnecessary. You don’t have to be dull, sad or moody in your relationships, dazzle and keep dazzling!

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