In marriage, offence will come. But as two mature adults who have made up their minds to spend the rest of your lives together, you must learn the act of forgiveness. Learn to forgive quickly and move on with your lives. Avoid prolonged unforgiveness which can lead to other issues in your marriage.
See forgiving your spouse as forgiving yourself too. Sometimes, it might be easy to just say I forgive you but in the real sense, you are still holding on to the offence, thereby inflicting more harm on yourself.
Some people find it difficult to forgive, others say that there are things that they just can’t forgive, and some others also say that they can forgive but not forget. In all, it is about letting go of the burden that has been weighing you down through unforgiveness.
The question now is; how do you forgive your spouse, resolve issues in marriages and still move on as husband and wife?
#1. Sincerely apologise to your spouse
Sincere apologies can go a long way in making things better in your home. Once you realise you have wronged your spouse, please sincerely apologise immediately. Don’t be proud or feel too big to apologise to your spouse.
Express your sincere apologies to your spouse in your own way. This you can do through your sorry countenance, by kneeling or getting a gift to relay your message to your spouse. This is not about expenses or ego, but about the expression of your heartfelt apology in a way, your spouse will feel it.
#2. Learn to accept a heartfelt apology from your spouse
As a spouse who has been wronged by the one you love, please learn to accept a heartfelt apology from your spouse. There is just no sense in complicating matters by making yourself difficult to please.
Remember, it’s your spouse that is apologising to you. It is as good as you apologising to yourself because both of you are now one.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and your spouse. You might be the one to wrong your spouse tomorrow, you never can tell. So, learn to accept apologies and move on with your lives. There is no need stalling the progress of your relationship by being adamant to your spouses’ sincere apologies.
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#3. Avoid focusing on the negatives
One thing that can delay your healing from any wrong your spouse has done to you is you focusing on the negatives. When you beam your light on the effects of your spouse’s actions, you lose sight of his/her good sides and positives.
Please take your mind away from the deed that is already done, and instead channel your mind to the good sides of your spouse. Look up with hope to the changes your spouse is presenting in his apology and run with that.
Again, open up your mind to the potential change(s) you want to see from thenceforth with your spouse. Give your spouse room and a chance to implement the changes you both need for your marital relationship to thrive.
#4. Avoid bringing an unwarranted third party to your marital issues
Involving third parties in your marital affairs is uncalled for, unwarranted and somehow childish when it is not absolutely necessary. For example, you cannot contact your ex and download the happenings of your home to him or her. Also, some friends and family members are not worth bringing into your marital affairs.
Of course, there are people who genuinely love you and care about your marriage too. Those you can contact and seek advice from time to time. But the people you know have no business in your home affairs should be kept afar.
#5. Value and embrace your marriage/home
Do you love your spouse? Do you appreciate the person you married? Again, do you cherish the home you have been blessed with? If your answers are yes to these questions, then, value and embrace your home.
See your home as all you have and that there is no other place. When you appreciate your home and cherish your spouse, ideas of walking away over trivial matters will fly out of the window.
There is no need to threaten your spouse with divorce or separation because of some marital issues you are facing at the moment. Instead, seek a way to resolve such issues and restore sanity and sanctity to your home.
For me, when an issue does not involve domestic violence and infidelity, it can be forgiven and resolved with little or no delays depending on what it is. Let your home be intact and the focal point of you and your spouse.
"One piece of advice I tell couples and people about to get married is: from day one, rule out divorce! Assure each other that you will work it out."
#6. Activate your matured mindset
Marriage is not for immature minds. You don’t get into marriage with a childish mentality. You have to activate your matured mindset. For instance, if you see your spouse hanging around with colleagues of the opposite sex, you don’t have to act immature and make a scene out of your imaginations.
You have to behave well like a mature adult by letting go of some imagination. Know and understand the sort of person you married and before imagining some wrong in your heart already.
Know when and how best to apologise to your spouse.
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#7. Never lose respect or regard for your spouse
Please avoid insulting your spouse over trivial offences through your words, demeanour and actions. Yes, I know they have misbehaved and that you have been hurt too, but that should not make you lose your respect or regard for your spouse.
You can subtly convey your unhappiness and hurt to your spouse in a way he/she will understand and apologise than being aggressive over it through insults.
By disrespecting your spouse over an issue, you are building up more issues, and before you know it, it will become a pile of issues. So please, avoid insults and disregards of any sort and resolve your issues amicably.
"Learn to forgive quickly and move on with your lives. Avoid prolonged unforgiveness which can lead to other issues in your marriage."
In marriage, couples agree to disagree and also disagree to agree. In other words, as long as both of you are separate individuals with different genetic make-up and character, you will have disappointments and perhaps, quarrels. But together, you can resolve it and move on with your lives as if nothing happened.
One piece of advice I tell couples and people about to get married is: from day one, rule out divorce! Assure each other that you will work it out. I guess that’s why they say that marriage is for better and for worse!
Let’s continue to dazzle in our marriages, families and relationships.