Not again! Dealing with serial miscarriages, and still, without a child (2)

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"My name is Sandra* and I have experienced series of miscarriages since I got married four years ago. With no clear reason responsible for these miscarriages, it’s been a great burden to my husband and I. By God’s special grace, we have been able to cope, stay alive and positive through it all.

I am sharing these nuggets on this platform (Dazzling Insights Blog) to help other women all over the world who are struggling with miscarriages or know a close friend or family member who is going through a miscarriage.” 

The tips that I share are from my personal experiences. Please read the introduction of my story, i.e. the part 1 of this article here. In this second article, I want to continue talking about ways that I found extremely useful in coping with miscarriages. I think you will learn some ways that you too can move on in life after miscarriages. It won’t be enough just to know them but put them into practice, and I believe you will be a happier person.

Our strength to cope these number of years have been through; 

5.    The power of prayer 

I am a woman of faith; this means, I believe in God as my creator and saviour. One unique way that I draw strength for my daily life is by praying to God for His help. Before I started experiencing serial miscarriages, I used to pray, but I am not sure I really understood how much positive impact it had on me until my recurrent experiences.

It does not matter what anyone thinks of me for believing in God – it’s my life, and I love it that I can call on a greater Being to comfort, strengthen and help me. In all honesty, there are moments that I am completely lost in negative and depressing thoughts. But the moment I start communing with God, my peace is restored, and I draw indescribable strength from Him. The same way anyone will recommend meditation to you, I will suggest that you pray to God that created you and the whole universe, and even at that, He is still mindful of you.

Prayer works, and sometimes in our helplessness, God is the only one who can help us. Recently, I listened to a brief interview given by the world’s one and only Elon Musk shortly after the SpaceX Crew Dragon splashdown following a successful launch of Astronauts to the International Space Station. Elon Musk said, “I am not very religious, but I prayed for this one”. Please don’t asked me how he prayed, but I can assure you that he talked to God.

Jesus Christ, the son of God, also prayed. You can pray and draw strength to cope with miscarriages. Today as you read this, I encourage you to pray and draw strength to move on from day to day in your life. I pray, may God help you and give you peace in such a difficult season. A simple prayer of “Lord, please help me”, is okay and will go a long way.

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    6.    Miscarriage is NEVER the end of your life!

    Yes, miscarriage is the end of the life of an unborn child and I don’t wish it happens to anyone. Agreed. But it is not the end of your life as an expectant mother. Yes, I know, it is a sad occurrence to the potential parents, but they shouldn’t lose hope. After my third miscarriage, it was like my life ended too. Life did not make sense to me again. I felt my whole world has crumbled. Nothing was of interest to me again.

    It was one of those moments that I stumbled on the words from the Holy Bible that Jesus Christ said, I have come to give you life more abundantly (John 10:10). It was then that I had my epiphany that regardless of what I am going through, I still have the breath of life that is from God. I shook off every negative and suicidal thoughts, and I was determined to live my life regardless of any situation I find myself in.

    Going through a miscarriage is not the end of one’s life. You can live your life to the fullest.

    I want to encourage you not to give up on life. There are far more grievous experiences in life than miscarriage. At least, in my cases, they did not result in further health complications. And I have been able to take in again. Wait a minute, have you thought of people that have desired to be pregnant but due to circumstances beyond their control they cannot. Know that your situation is not the worst, and having a miscarriage or serial miscarriages is not the end of life. Please stay strong, healthy and keep the hope alive (see point #9).

    7.    Maintain a positive attitude

    I experienced up and down moments after each miscarriage. These affected my mind, emotions, spirit, etc. But Ijeoma, come to think of it – isn’t life generally sinusoidal, i.e. full of ups and downs. One thing you don’t want to do is to stay in the valley of life for too long. Seek to remain positive regardless of what life throws at you. There is a saying that goes, “when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade out of it”.

    I chose to maintain a positive attitude in my psyche and emotions. I decided to take care of myself and keep living. I prefer to see the positive side of life, and know that I need to stay sane for myself and my lovely husband. Mentioning my husband, I realised that when I smacked out of that negative mode and stayed positive, it had an infectious impact on my husband. He also cheered up and found the courage to continue with his life too.

    My take-home words here are: “maintain a positive mental attitude”. My psychologist told me that it is also good for my biochemistry and that my hormones and certain chemicals in my body will function well if not better. Hence, when I stay positive, it also benefits my body, which needs to be healthy and prepared for the next pregnancy. I can only but believe that everything will go well, and we will have our desired number of children. 

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    8.    It sounds difficult but try to ENCOURAGE others

    Encouraging others is the very reason that I have reached out to Dazzling Insights to tell my story. Before now, I did not realise that many women are going through similar challenges. Yes, most times, people post about their baby bumps, but not when they miscarry. Only very few women have the courage to do this. And by so doing, they have encouraged others.

    I am not saying women that have experienced miscarriages should have this experience as a commonality to fraternise. No, rather, I am saying that some women knowing that they are not alone can bring relief and healing to them and the people they know that are going through such too.

    Go out of your space and encourage others. The first time I told my story to a new couple that the young wife had a miscarriage, we were both crying. But then the lady stopped and was encouraging me. She later realised that my situation was ‘worse’ than hers and she wiped her tears. She was encouraged and her hope was rekindled.

    "One unique way that I draw strength for my daily life is by praying to God for His help."
    9.    Keep your hope alive, you can be pregnant again and have your babies

    HOPE is the last thing that you want to toss away in the journey of life. I took my first miscarriage seemingly normal, but starting from the second miscarriage and going forward, the hope of having my child started developing wings to fly. Even when my doctors told me that I am medically fit, doubts set in. I started struggling with the thoughts of a recurring syndrome. I almost couldn’t imagine myself having a successful pregnancy. If these thoughts ever crossed your mind – it is perfectly okay to think like that. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

    Nevertheless, you need to recalibrate your mind and reprogramme your thoughts to know that you can do it all by yourself. Yes, I firmly believe that you can be pregnant again. But here is the most exciting good news, you can have your babies. Millions of women have gone through one miscarriage or the other, and at the end of the day, they had their babies.  You can be one of those women. Your friends and family members can be one of those women.

    Keep the hope alive and let’s hope that someday it will be OUR TURN.

    I am so happy that Ijeoma accepted to put my story and experiences on her platform, which is helping so many families out there. I hope my story will help others to cope, and keep waiting for the beautiful end of a pregnancy. I love you all.

    I will be happy to read your comments on this article, and if you have your experiences to share to a broader audience as I have done, please contact Ijeoma – she is the nicest person and an amazing woman that I have come to know. Keep dazzling @dazzling_insights.

    * Sandra is not her real name for anonymity purposes.

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