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In life, people pass on, not just due to the pandemic but also due to other causes. Illnesses, accidents, violence like wars, dispute, domestic violence, different forms of stress, or even natural course can lead to the death of people and loved ones around us. Now, these people are people’s fathers, mothers, siblings, husbands, wives, family relatives of some kind.

Families are impacted immensely by the loss of a loved one. Imagine a family where one parent or partner dies, the kids are bereaved of that parent, and most importantly, the spouse becomes widowed. He or she will have to figure out a way to do without the partner or spouse, and this is usually not easy.

The financial, emotional, and the physical well-being of the family suddenly becomes the burden of one person. The bereaved spouse takes on the task of raising the kids alone and looking after the family in general. Are you widowed? I want to encourage you that you can raise your kids and do well too.

Permit me to say that in our world today, men tend to move on faster than women. In my culture and most African cultures, a good percentage of the women tend to stay and raise their kids for their late husbands than move on to find love again and remarry. Whatever is your preference as a bereaved spouse, it is solely your decision, and that is okay.

Here are some ways that you can look after yourself and still raise your kids alone as a widowed spouse:

#1. Prepare your mind for the journey without your spouse

Everything starts in the mind. Prepare yourself ahead of time for this sort of journey even while your spouse is still alive. Knowing that death is inevitable and that it is the way every human on earth will go at some point is the reason why you need to plan for it.

Have life insurance to help with the funeral cost and still leave some cash for your family to move on with.

Also, invest in other things like real estate or any other business of your choice while you are still alive and together. I always encourage families from the onset set to set aside some emergency cash and also have plans for sudden and unexpected events such as death.

No one wishes to die early, but a good plan will keep your family going.

#2. Be unapologetic about your approach

Before the passing on of your spouse, as a family, be unapologetic about your approach to securing your family’s well-being in a case of loss due to death. Now, what do I mean by this? If it means you turning down some invitations, cutting out some events or holiday plans or whatever it is, do it and save up financial resources for your approach.

Don’t let anyone make you spend money unnecessarily when you are trying to save up. Also, don’t let yourself be distracted by other people’s way of life, especially on social media.

Be focused on your family’s plans and work them through. If your spouse passes on while you are both working on your plan, see it through and know that it will help and favour your children in the long run.

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#3. Maintain family and work balance

As a bereaved spouse, maintain a good family and work balance. Understand that you are all your kids have got now. You might need to cut down on your hours of work to spend more time with your children.

One might say that the family needs more money since it is coming from one source now. Yes, but it shouldn’t be to the detriment of the kids. It is better to be contented with what you have per time and increase it when the kids are a bit grown than to stack up stuff for them, and they lack your presence which can never be replaced.

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#4. Find something to do to generate resources for your family

If you are a stay-at-home spouse and your significant other passes on, you will have to adjust to your present condition. Find something to do to generate cash for your family’s needs. Get a part-time job or start any little small-scale business to move on with your life.

Look inwards and figure out what you are good at and leverage on that. Also, you can train yourself in a particular skill and do something with it afterwards.

If you are reading this article now and you are a stay-at-home wife or husband, and your spouse is also still alive, please this might be a great time for you to acquire some good skills while staying at home and start something no matter how little.

#5. Eliminate and ignore unnecessary sexual advances

Some people prey on bereaved spouses to satisfy their illicit sexual desires. Please eliminate and ignore such unnecessary advances.

Your well-being and family should be your top priority. Avoid places and people that insinuate otherwise.

Also, close your ears to gossips about your late spouse, family and you.

#6. Be strong for yourself and your kids

One great way to go through bereavement is to be strong for yourself and your kids. Tap into the strength that you have inwards. Cry when you need to, but dust yourself up and move on.

Let your strength and demeanour comfort your children. You have become their only role model at home, and they need to see you strong to keep going. This might not be easy sometimes; just know that you will pull through. You can do it! You can read this beautiful article on 'Dealing with the loss of a loved one'.

#7. Take good care of yourself and look good

Nothing stops you from looking good. That your partner or spouse is no more is not a reason for you to start appearing tattered.

Be yourself and continue to look as good as you used to when your spouse was still there. Take good care of yourself and your kids. If you don’t, who will? Please pull yourself together and move on.

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"Everything starts in the mind. Prepare yourself ahead of time for this sort of journey even while your spouse is still alive. Knowing that death is inevitable and that it is the way every human on earth will go at some point is the reason why you need to plan for it."

#8. You can find love again

You can find love again. When you have mourned your late spouse enough, and you feel like it is time to move on, you can open your heart to finding love again.

First, know what you want and don’t expect everyone that comes to you to be like your late spouse. Don’t compare them. Open your heart to this new person and get to know them for who they are. Remember, everyone is unique.

Losing a loved one is always a grievous tragedy, especially when they are the breadwinner of the family. This loss can sometimes leave a family devastated. One great way to curb the impact of such a loss is to plan ahead for such time so that, if and when it eventually happens, your family can move on smoothly.

A family that works together stays together. I encourage spouses not to keep secrets with their finances and life but to be very open and work together as a family. Carry your spouse along in everything. So that when you are gone, they will know exactly what to do and what you would have done if you were still around.

Let’s continue to dazzle in our families and lives even as we plan for sudden and unexpected events such as death.

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